Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
