you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
