I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
