I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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