i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
