I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
