I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
