Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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