4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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