She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
