I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
wow bdsm is so cute
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
