I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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