Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
