And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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