there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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