i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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