Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
