I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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