Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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