She announced her abortion via fbk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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