The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
