it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
