WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
