just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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