Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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