My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
