Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
