Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
