Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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