I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize