you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
did you just send me my own nude
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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