Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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