This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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