I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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