Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
40s are totally the cure
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
