so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
