fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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