Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
