So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
