she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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