if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
