They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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