her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
