Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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