In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
