My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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