no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
