grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
