3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My dick has a subreddit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
