i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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