I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
