I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
