Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
