How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
