I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
