I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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