so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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