She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
