That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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