I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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