yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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