butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
