R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
