I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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