I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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